Categotry Archives: all about me



Categories: all about me, paris notebook

BUY MAZANOR NO PRESCRIPTION, So yesterday I managed to do a few feminist things while here in Paris--both homages, of a sort.

First, I visited Père-Lachaise, the largest cemetery in Paris and a convenient ten-minute walk from the apartment. I didn't stay long, buy MAZANOR without prescription, Online buy MAZANOR without a prescription, just long enough to visit the tomb of Heloise and Abelard, the great medieval lovers and philosophers.

After that (and after a quick café au lait--my exchange mate doesn't drink coffee, MAZANOR overnight, MAZANOR without a prescription, it seems, and I'm in a caffeine deficiency from trying to make do with tea), order MAZANOR no prescription, MAZANOR from canada, I dropped by Violette and Co., a feminist/LGBT bookstore in the arrondissement, buy MAZANOR from mexico. MAZANOR schedule, I picked up a new copy of Le Deuxième Sexe, volume I--I somehow managed to lose the copy I bought last year--and a book called Je suis pas feministe, buy no prescription MAZANOR online, MAZANOR pictures, mais... ("I'm not a feminist, but..."), my MAZANOR experience, Taking MAZANOR, mostly because I have a book in English with the same title. They're very different books--the French one is a collection of pointed cartoons, rx free MAZANOR, Purchase MAZANOR online, the English one a collection of feminist facts aimed at consciousness raising (i.e., if you believe/know all these things, purchase MAZANOR online no prescription, MAZANOR dosage, you really are a feminist.) The cartoons are interesting to me beyond their humor (which I mostly get) because they reproduce spoken French, a very different thing from written French or even the French they teach you at school.

On that note (and of interest to nobody besides myself), cheap MAZANOR no rx, Buying MAZANOR online over the counter, I'm doing better with my French than ever--I even attempted to use the subjunctive while talking to the clerk at Violette's. (We also discussed, low dose MAZANOR, Purchase MAZANOR for sale, unbelievably enough, the fact that a) the only translation of The Second Sex into English was, MAZANOR photos, What is MAZANOR, as I said, absolument merde, where can i order MAZANOR without prescription, MAZANOR pics, and b) there's a new one coming, thank goodness.) In any case, MAZANOR recreational, MAZANOR from mexico, it's a relief to me, as one of my quirks is that I actually like to speak French, MAZANOR alternatives, MAZANOR mg, even if I'm not very good at it.

Today, I'm off to the Louvre--my exchange mate got me a ticket to the premiere of a Titian/Tintoretto show, australia, uk, us, usa. Order MAZANOR online c.o.d, Tomorrow, I'm going to try aikido Paris-style.




Categories: adventures in transition, all about me, how to tell if you've transitioned, privilege stories

How can you tell you've transitioned?

...because shopping for clothes becomes a tedious chore rather than a fun excursion.

MOTOFEN FOR SALE, OK. Not fair, I get that--I know plenty of women of all stripes and origins who enjoy clothes shopping, is MOTOFEN safe, including me, MOTOFEN street price, on occasion. But compared to the times when I constructed myself as a crossdresser, shopping for clothes doesn't have the same kick.

On the face of it, MOTOFEN canada, mexico, india, this seems strange. MOTOFEN samples, I mean, I no longer have to use the exasperating and even sometime ridiculous accoutrements to round out my figure, give me the appearance of having breasts, japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal, add to my hips so that my skirts wouldn't fall down. MOTOFEN interactions, I've got a body that actually fits the mold women's clothing is intended for...and that is a relief and a pleasure, often.

On the other hand, maybe my body's part of the issue--I've gained about 25 pounds in the last six months, MOTOFEN from canada, and while that's not an earth-shattering, Order MOTOFEN no prescription, cry myself to sleep issue, I am a little unhappy about how I look in my clothes lately.

Which got hammered home yesterday when I went out to buy some clothes for the first time in months (business has been slow and I haven't had the cash to spend on clothes--though maybe I'd kill both my issues there if I stopped ordering out all the time.) But I'm travelling tomorrow and wanted to have some new clothes for the trip, especially some casual dresses, MOTOFEN over the counter, which would be light to pack. I didn't find any that I liked, although I did get some new jeans that will actually fit.

I hate shopping for jeans, MOTOFEN FOR SALE. Buy no prescription MOTOFEN online, There are times I just can't even work up the energy to go try them on, even though I think I look good in a lot of different styles of jeans. But I just hate doing it.

Maybe that's another sign I've transitioned.

My relationship with my clothing has always been...interesting, MOTOFEN description. I'm not like a lot of trans women--I don't deny having had a long period of time identifying as a crossdresser; I think I was a crossdresser, No prescription MOTOFEN online, albeit one with a greater interest in transitioning than I let on, even to myself. Back in those days, MOTOFEN natural, clothes held an allure, MOTOFEN duration, a mystique, an air of the forbidden about them. MOTOFEN FOR SALE, To crossdress was to engage all my hidden desires and frailities at once; the feeling of being at home while crossdressed was exhilerating and terrifying, and my clothes were fraught with a lot of meaning.

Which isn't to say that clothes aren't fraught with meaning for anyone--compare the different uniforms we wear every day, from bike messenger with one pants leg rolled to corporate honcho in a bespoke suit. Clothes are shorthand for our identities, MOTOFEN photos, they send out messages about us--sometimes ones that we don't want to send.

For example, Order MOTOFEN online c.o.d, when I was in India, I bought two saris. I bought them because I loved India and the culture and the people, australia, uk, us, usa, because I wanted to bring home a souvenir, Where can i cheapest MOTOFEN online, because I think saris are beautiful dresses. I even asked a friend of mine (not Indian) if I could wear one of them to her wedding, and she enthusiastically agreed.

All this was before my "second awakening, MOTOFEN recreational," though. Buy cheap MOTOFEN, After I began to engage identity politics further, I saw that my wearing a sari just couldn't be an isolated action--that I couldn't avoid all the centuries of past interactions between Western and Indian people, and that ultimately I wouldn't be able to get past the fact that if I wore a sari, MOTOFEN dosage, I'd be a cool multiculti chick--whereas an Indian woman who wore a sari in America would seem to be "fresh off the boat, MOTOFEN overnight, " unassimilated, perhaps ingnorant of American culture or even English. And that while some Indian people wouldn't have a problem with me wearing a sari, others would, and it wouldn't be easy to just discount their opinion simply because it was a beautiful dress and I liked it a lot.

I did end up wearing the sari, because my friend insisted, and she was the bride, MOTOFEN FOR SALE. I was fortunate; the only couple I met at the wedding who were from the region didn't mind at all, purchase MOTOFEN online. Still I changed out of the sari and into a dress after the ceremony. MOTOFEN used for, And I'm not upset that I felt I had to do it, and certainly not upset at any Indian people who might take offense at me wearing a sari. I'm upset at the four centuries of Westerners who plundered India, herbal MOTOFEN, who exoticized it, Low dose MOTOFEN, who used and abused the people there. They're the ones who've "ruined" it for me--not their victims.

MOTOFEN FOR SALE, So yeah, clothes mean a lot more than just something to keep the wind out.

But you knew that already, didn't you. Any woman who has been verbally (or all too often, physically) assaulted because her neckline or hemline had crossed the invisible threshold between "prude" and "slut, where can i find MOTOFEN online," who's been told she's "asking for it" because of what she's wearing, MOTOFEN dangers, who's been told that her outfit was part of the reason she was attacked (as if women in pants and long sleeves are never raped) knows this. Hell, even I knew that back when I was a crossdresser, buying MOTOFEN online over the counter, although sadly like many of the CDs I knew, Online buying MOTOFEN hcl, I don't think I really fully engaged with all the implications of what that meant. (There are things that being full-time does to you.)

Wearing clothes has a context for me now that it didn't have back when I kept mostly to safe spaces--it has the context any woman has to deal with, from issues of personal safety to the whole construct of female beauty and its impossible-to-attain ideals. So yeah, some of the fun has leached out of it. And that's how I can tell I've transitioned.

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Categories: adventures in transition, all about me, stuff i like, teh tranz, This Was My Life

I am a child of the video game era.

BUY GLUCOPHAGE NO PRESCRIPTION, Like most white, middle-class kids of my era, we owned an Atari 2600 (the real thing, not the cheesy Sears version.) And while we enjoyed the hell out of the system, we also sucked.

Plate 1: This was once considered cool!

Like I said, we lived in the golden age of video games, and arcade games--with their superior graphics and gameplay--were all around us. Things weren't helped by how poorly most arcade games were ported over to the 2600--the infamous Pac-Man port is widely credited as causing the North American video game market crash of 1983.

Plate 2: You've heard the legends, but I actually played it--and it was really that horrible.

I didn't care that much for video games.

You probably think that it was because I was some high-falutin' intellectual, with my nose in a book all the time and too much of a nerd to be any good at sports, canada, mexico, india. But that wasn't the reason...well, it wasn't the only reason.

The reason was that I generally stank at them. Online buy GLUCOPHAGE without a prescription, I have a rather low eye-hand coordination, so most of that generation of video games were full of FAIL for me--I didn't have the reflexes to be any good at them, or rather, I just got too frustrated to actually learn how to play through my difficulties.

So I watched a lot of other people play video games--hell, GLUCOPHAGE schedule, I just hung out for weeks while a buddy of mine played Ultima IV, which is about as interesting as watching people play D& a language you don't speak.

Once I got to college and had a computer of my very own, Buying GLUCOPHAGE online over the counter, however, I got interested in games again. There were actual genres that didn't require me to have the fast-twitch reflexes of a chihuahua who'd drunk too much coffee, and I played those--SimCity, GLUCOPHAGE without prescription, Civilization (I racked up insane hours conquering various planets), baseball games where you only had to "manage, Japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal, " and even less-athletic, more strategic games like Sid Meier's Pirates.

So when I was finally out of college, and got a "real" computer (well, a Packard-Bell--26% new parts!), buy GLUCOPHAGE without prescription, I made sure to pick up a few games to go with it. One was Doom, which I had played in multi-player mode and enjoyed, BUY GLUCOPHAGE NO PRESCRIPTION. (I didn't get too far in that one: have I mentioned my reflexes?) The other was Wing Commander IV. And that one hooked me.

I'd heard about the Wing Commander series for years, GLUCOPHAGE pics, but never owned a machine powerful enough to run them--the closest I'd come was playing on a friend's Nintendo once. But the third and fourth versions of the game were really different--they used movies to forward a plot line between missions, and you could actually make choices in how to respond during some of the movie sequences. It was like a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Book, GLUCOPHAGE gel, ointment, cream, pill, spray, continuous-release, extended-release. (Yes, I am a child of the '80s.)

It certainly didn't hurt that Mark Effin' Hamill played your character.

Plate 3: Hey, GLUCOPHAGE from canadian pharmacy, isn't that the guy from Star Wars?

While I understand while this kind of video game (usually called Full-Motion Video or FMV) didn't catch on (costs were high, graphics got good enough to do all the stuff inside the game itself), it was extraordinarily compelling for the time--they really managed to come close to the state objective of making it an interactive movie. BUY GLUCOPHAGE NO PRESCRIPTION, I ploughed through WCIV in about a month, and for my birthday my girlfriend gave me a boxed set with the first three games. Which I slogged through as well, doses GLUCOPHAGE work, even though the first two were more standard video games--no movies, but there was an overarching storyline for both. GLUCOPHAGE price, I started playing WCIII, the climax of the series...and stopped.

I was changing computers, I had a girlfriend, I was taking aikido--I had a bunch of reasons, fast shipping GLUCOPHAGE. So I never finished the third game, never got past the third mission. GLUCOPHAGE australia, uk, us, usa, And I mostly stopped playing anything resembling shoot-em-ups; I had the occasional game of Civ going on, but for the most part I didn't have any time to play videogames. I did reload Wing Commander I on my machine a few months after my wife and I separated, played it all the way through again, but didn't bother to play the next game.

And then I transitioned.

Now, obviously, video games are a huge minefield of misogynistic crap, BUY GLUCOPHAGE NO PRESCRIPTION. (Just check out the ongoing saga of Fat Princess over at Shakesville.) Most games are marketed for men, often in the crudest, GLUCOPHAGE no prescription, most sexist way possible--and then you play the game, and it just gets worse when you see how women are depicted inside the games themselves. Australia, uk, us, usa, Plus so many video games are filled with non-stop, wall-to-wall violence, domination, and macho posturing.

So it makes sense for me to avoid video games, buy GLUCOPHAGE no prescription, and for the most part I've had no interest--not even in my beloved Civ. Until recently.

Because on a whim I dug out my copy of Wing Commander III, GLUCOPHAGE interactions, and after wrestling with Windows for a few days, have been flying missions again. And loving it.

This is full of irony for me. BUY GLUCOPHAGE NO PRESCRIPTION, First, aren't I the person railing on about kyriarchy and how we need a culture freed from the evils of domination. Aren't I generally opposed to violence of almost any kind, online GLUCOPHAGE without a prescription. And don't I love cats. Hell, Buy cheap GLUCOPHAGE, don't people call me Cat?

So why in the hell am I zipping around space blowing up evil space cats and following a plotline that ultimately ends with a shocking act of genocide?

Plate 4: I'm sure with a big enough lap to cuddle up in, he'd stop trying to DESTROY ALL HUMANS.

I have no idea. I'm sucked in, again, GLUCOPHAGE price, coupon, by the storyline, and the gameplay remains challenging but not impossible even for a slow-fingered person like myself. There are even female characters in the game, and they're not decoration--two are highly competent fighter pilots, and one is the ship's chief mechanic, BUY GLUCOPHAGE NO PRESCRIPTION. Order GLUCOPHAGE from mexican pharmacy, (Of course, one set of choices leads you to have a relationship with one of them, which is a bit squicky, but on the other hand it is remarkable to have a video game that was a combat sim even mention the word love.)

I've noticed a few things different this time around, GLUCOPHAGE overnight. I'm not any better or worse a pilot than I used to be--I always played the game the way I thought my character really would fly, so I don't try to run up my score if the mission can be finished otherwise. About GLUCOPHAGE, My adrenaline reactions are...different nowadays, though. After a long session at the game, I can get a bit twitchy, after GLUCOPHAGE, and somewhat spatially disoriented, like I keep expecting the constant motion the 3D sim provides. BUY GLUCOPHAGE NO PRESCRIPTION, I don't recall that stuff happening the first time around, and I wonder how much my current endocrinology has to do with that.

Of course, playing a video game--playing a violent, combat-oriented video game--brings up all sorts of gender crap for me. GLUCOPHAGE for sale, (But then, getting the paper in the morning has the potential to do that.) Mostly it's societal stuff that I, of all people, should know better than to listen too--women aren't violent, what is GLUCOPHAGE, women don't play video games, women should sit down and watch the damn Lifetime Movie Network and keep careful notes of the cleaning products they must buy next trip to the store. Effects of GLUCOPHAGE, Like I said, mostly crap.

But on the other hand, I haven't talked much about this with other women I know. Maybe because I fear that the women who know about my history will view this as one more way I'm not like them--and the women who don't know about my history might get ideas.

Silly, purchase GLUCOPHAGE. But there you have it.

In any case, I'm close to the end, GLUCOPHAGE mg, and I'll drop The Big Bomb on Kilrah and win the game pretty soon now. Maybe with more qualms than the designers might have expected their players to have--they may be evil space kitties, but that doesn't make me happy to blow up their home planet, for goodness sake. And then maybe I'll head over to Women Gamers; I'll be needing a new fix soon.

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Categories: all about me, the tiniest violin in the world

BUY DUPHASTON NO PRESCRIPTION, Greetings again, ducks.

One of the hardest things I've set myself out to do is to write something every day, mostly here. Online buying DUPHASTON hcl, Not all that easy; occasionally even Motormouth Me runs out of things to say. So I struggle with it, DUPHASTON recreational, DUPHASTON from mexico, usually right at the point when a bunch of readers have dropped by in response to some blogvertising I've done.

Way to keep up the momentum, C.L.

I've been busy with work stuff the last few days and not getting enough sleep, DUPHASTON pharmacy. DUPHASTON no rx, Which explains part of why I've been away.

Would that it was the only reason.

I've been struggling a bit lately with the consequences of my late-aborning political awakening. (You knew there would be consequences, DUPHASTON description, DUPHASTON long term, didn't you?) Specifically, I no longer seem to be able to keep from alienating people, DUPHASTON dose, DUPHASTON class, including people who are dear to me.

I'm not sure what to do about it, either.

The essence of my--enlightenment, order DUPHASTON online c.o.d, Buy DUPHASTON from canada, let's call it--has been that I have become acutely, painfully aware of my own privilege, order DUPHASTON no prescription. This has led me to radically reexamine the world around me and the ways that privilege, mine and others, interact to create this beaten up planet and downtrodden human race.

And I don't know how to keep quiet about it, BUY DUPHASTON NO PRESCRIPTION. Buy cheap DUPHASTON no rx, I don't know how to stop seeing, how to stop talking (and let's face it, DUPHASTON wiki, Purchase DUPHASTON online, preaching) about what I see.

I don't know, in short, DUPHASTON interactions, About DUPHASTON, how to just shut up and let things roll over me without it seeming like collusion. That's in part what I was trying to say in my previous post: that I can't even watch a muddle-headed B-movie like Uncommon Valor without seeing all the hypocrisies and unspoken assumptions it contains.

And I'm not sure that I even want to stop.

Part of the reason I started the blog is that I wanted to find an outlet for what I was feeling (especially the trans-related stuff) that I could use to keep it from leaking into my everyday life, DUPHASTON without a prescription. Is DUPHASTON safe, In that regard, The Second Awakening is an utter failure, DUPHASTON pictures, Doses DUPHASTON work, because writing about this stuff, digging deeply into my own thought processes, DUPHASTON blogs, Purchase DUPHASTON for sale, learning about the things going on around me, has only radicalized me even more, DUPHASTON duration. Buy DUPHASTON from mexico, (Plus, I've become just proud enough of what I'm doing to want to talk about it, herbal DUPHASTON, Online buy DUPHASTON without a prescription, which knocks not outing myself as trans into a cocked hat.)

I don't think of the blog as a failure, of course; I like writing it, buy cheap DUPHASTON, Comprar en línea DUPHASTON, comprar DUPHASTON baratos, I like how I've had to confront a lot of my own internalized issues in the course of writing it, I like how I've managed to start to come to some conclusions about the world based on the work I've done here--work that feels so important to me; maybe the most important work I've ever done.

All the same, buy no prescription DUPHASTON online, I wonder about where I am going, where this is taking me. Most of all, I worry that I will go some place that many people who are important to me cannot follow. That as a result of what I am doing, I will end up alone.

Maybe that's the price to pay. Lord knows I'm used to that kind of thing--transness has always been the gift that keeps on taking.

But I was kind of hoping that I was finally coming home, instead of walking further out into the cold.

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Categories: all about me, invasive kyriarchy, Your RDA of Outrage

PROGRAF FOR SALE, Greetings, Ducks. So I had a super bad day yesterday--one of my depressive episodes, just didn't want to do anything--which explains why there wasn't a post. (Also: why I still haven't touched some work for one of my clients, PROGRAF alternatives, yikes.) I slept late and blew off most of my responsibilities besides feeding the cats, and watched some TV.

One of the things I watched was an old movie--I shudder to think how old, PROGRAF gel, ointment, cream, pill, spray, continuous-release, extended-release, because I remember when it came out: Uncommon Valor. In case you never heard the name before, it was a Reagan-era film about a mission to rescue POWs still being held by the Vietnamese.

As a movie, it's not bad: it has a decent cast (Gene Hackman, low dose PROGRAF, Fred Ward, a pre-Dirty Dancing Patrick Swayze among others) and gives the idea an above-average treatment. Kjøpe PROGRAF på nett, köpa PROGRAF online, I won't comment too much on the circumstances of the era the movie was made--Reagan-era macho posturing, the very real question about whether there were any POWs still in Indochina, and the overall wish-fulfillment the whole back-to-Vietnam genre invoked.

What was interesting to me, watching the movie for the first time in, after PROGRAF, hmm, over 20 years, PROGRAF samples, was my reaction to it now as opposed to how I might have viewed the movie at different points in my life.

I first saw Uncommon Valor when I was in a, a, um, Scouting organization, purchase PROGRAF. Okay, PROGRAF FOR SALE. Nuff said. So it was a decidedly masculine environment, Taking PROGRAF, we were all kids--I was 11, there were some teenagers--and we probably grooved off the well-done action sequences. (And the foul language--it was an R-rated film.) The film became a favorite of mine, and my brother and I borrowed it several times from the local library.

Since then, where can i buy cheapest PROGRAF online, many things have changed, of course: I've grown up, PROGRAF street price, I've changed genders, I've lost a lot of my taste for war movies. But maybe most important of all, I've become politically awakened, where can i find PROGRAF online. And that has radically changed how I see--everything.

PROGRAF FOR SALE, Now, I know I'm caught up in the first flush of all this activism, that there's nothing so zealous as a new convert, and that I could be a bit of a prig under the best of circumstances. But at the same time, having begun to look at the world in terms of dominance and oppression, PROGRAF no prescription, privilege and denial--well, it's like eating one potato chip: you just can't stop yourself.

So, watching Uncommon Valor brought up a lot of thoughts that frankly might not have occurred to me even after I transitioned, but do occur to me now, buy generic PROGRAF, such as (spoilers follow):

Is it really true that men have to fight each other to resolve their issues. Early on in the film, PROGRAF natural, Patrick Swayze--a skilled soldier with no combat experience--ends up fighting Randall "Tex" Cobb, the toughest of the Vietnam vets on the team. The vets resent Swayze for treating them like recruits while he trains them; he feels he has to prove to them he won't fail in combat. So they fight, fast shipping PROGRAF, as custom, law, PROGRAF use, and generic Hollywood screenwriting all demand.

But seriously. Is that the only way he could have proved himself to them, PROGRAF FOR SALE. Why do we just assume so. Why do men think that's so. Isn't that a poisonous thing to indoctrinate our children with, PROGRAF forum. Aren't there alternatives?

Wait a minute, you're the good guys?: When Hackman's outfit arrives in Thailand to pick up their weapons, My PROGRAF experience, they are seized by the CIA and the Thai police. PROGRAF FOR SALE, Hackman, obsessed with rescuing his son (whom he believes is held in the prison camp that is their target) decides to continue on anyway, buying weapons in the Golden Triangle. He sends out some of his men to get a vehicle, instructing them to "Steal it!"

So they come back with a truck that is clearly owned by a Thai--it's decorated with Buddha imagery. And clearly not a rich Thai, PROGRAF coupon, because the back of the truck is covered with plastic, not the tarpulin it comes with. Buying PROGRAF online over the counter, So WTF. They just stole some local poor guy's livlihood. Presumably, somebody used that truck to feed their family, earn a living, escape from poverty, PROGRAF FOR SALE. Yet we're supposed to overlook this, because our "heros" are on a noble mission...that will involve killing some more poor people, PROGRAF without prescription. Nice.

Speaking of the locals: Depsite spending the last half of the movie in Thailand and Indochina, the only people of color our heros have any interaction with is a porter/guide, Order PROGRAF online overnight delivery no prescription, Mr. Chang, and his two daughters. Purpose: to die (two of them are killed in the mission), PROGRAF images, and serve as a sex interest for one of the white characters. PROGRAF FOR SALE, No other people of color have any major interactions with the main characters except to get shot or provide a service--even the arms dealer they meet in the Golden Triangle is French. (And a poorly-done stereotype he is as well.)

And speaking of people of color, PROGRAF pics, who are we rescuing?: In the end, the mission succeeds, and four American POWs are rescued. All of whom are white.

Say what?

It's not exactly a secret that the Vietnam War was proportionally worse on African-American than on white soldiers:

African Americans often did supply a disproportionate number of combat troops, canada, mexico, india, a high percentage of whom had voluntarily enlisted. Although they made up less than 10 percent of American men in arms and about 13 percent of the U.S. PROGRAF used for, population between 1961 and 1966, they accounted for almost 20 percent of all combat-related deaths in Vietnam during that period. In 1965 alone African Americans represented almost one-fourth of the Army's killed in action, PROGRAF FOR SALE. In 1968 African Americans, who made up roughly 12 percent of Army and Marine total strengths, buy PROGRAF without prescription, frequently contributed half the men in front-line combat units, especially in rifle squads and fire teams. PROGRAF from canadian pharmacy, Under heavy criticism, Army and Marine commanders worked to lessen black casualties after 1966, and by the end of the conflict, African American combat deaths amounted to approximately 12 percent—more in line with national population figures, PROGRAF price, coupon. Final casualty estimates do not support the assertion that African Americans suffered disproportionate losses in Vietnam, but this in no way diminishes the fact that they bore a heavy share of the fighting burden, Where can i buy PROGRAF online, especially early in the conflict.
So the odds are that at least one of those POWs should have been black, unless there was some Vietcong/NVA policy to not capture black soldiers. (There may have been, perhaps motivated by both Vietnamese and American racism--white prisoners would have been more valuable, sigh.) But somehow I don't think a movie to go in and rescue black, Latino, or even Asian-descended POWs would have sold as well, especially not in Reagan-era America. PROGRAF FOR SALE, Instead, a bunch of white guys (plus one African-American, who to give the film its due, is a highly decorated helicopter pilot and an officer) recuse some other white guys, and kill a bunch of brown people along the way.

This isn't to come down too hard on Uncommon Valor, which is what it is and is very much a movie of its times. Rather, I wanted to show you what my thought processes look like now--how becoming more engaged keeps me from just letting things slide; how learning about my own privilege makes it difficult for me to just ignore it and go with the flow.

Maybe this has made me "humorless" or "shrill" or "a pain in the ass." Actually, it probably has. And that makes me sad; I don't want to be those things, I don't want to alienate people or always be harping about things.

But we live in a violence soaked world, filled with oppressions and petty tyrannies, and they drive me to distraction. How can I not be outraged. How can I not feel sympathy with the downtrodden. How can I not acknowledge how I am complicit with these horrors?

I don't know. But it seems to have cost me my sense of humor. If that's what it was.

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Categories: all about me, i get around

BUY CAMAZEPAM NO PRESCRIPTION, Greetings, ducks. Today I am very pleased to announce that I have been invited to be a regular contributor to the Below the Belt blog, get CAMAZEPAM, Order CAMAZEPAM from United States pharmacy, "a multi-faceted genderblog designed to provide a space for informed, critical commentary about gender, CAMAZEPAM dangers, Ordering CAMAZEPAM online, sex, sexuality, CAMAZEPAM australia, uk, us, usa, Buy CAMAZEPAM without a prescription, and the many other aspects of gender facing people around the world."

They do really good and cool work over there, and I'm enormously happy to be working with them.

My first post for them is up today:

In between rounds of the pub trivia contest, CAMAZEPAM dosage, Cheap CAMAZEPAM no rx, my friend Vanessa told me that
sometimes people tell her she thinks like a man.

"I hate it," she said, australia, uk, us, usa. Cheap CAMAZEPAM, "It's so sexist."

I knew what she meant; Vanessa has been on several game shows and has an
astonishing recall of facts, as well as a killer competitive edge--two things
generally considered either "male" or at least "unfeminine."

I wondered if people thought the same thing about me.

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Categories: adventures in transition, all about me, This Was My Life

Last night I took an aikido class for the first time in three years.

CELEXA FOR SALE, I first started doing aikido about ten years ago, during the summer when I finally started to treat my depression. Buying CELEXA online over the counter, I stayed for about two years at a very, very tough dojo, CELEXA gel, ointment, cream, pill, spray, continuous-release, extended-release, CELEXA australia, uk, us, usa, then quit for a variety of reasons (including my desire to quit my lousy job and go freelance.) About three years ago I found another dojo in my nabe and was there for maybe seven months, before the instructor moved to California.

The points being a) I'm not a complete beginner and b) all of this took place before my transition.

These are relavant because last night, CELEXA photos, Buy CELEXA from mexico, for the first time ever, I had to leave the mat while class was in session, purchase CELEXA online. Generic CELEXA, Twice.

Now, there are some decent reasons for that: it was hot and muggy yesterday, herbal CELEXA. What is CELEXA, I didn't eat a big lunch (my usual onsite gourmet meal of yogurt and a buttered roll, with a peanut butter granola bar thrown in for good measure.) I've gained a lot of weight recently, buy CELEXA without a prescription. CELEXA over the counter, And of course, I did have major surgery five months ago.

I think there was more to it than all that, about CELEXA. The fact of the matter is, I'm not the same person I used to be.

One of the things that shocked me about starting hormones was just how much muscle mass I lost in a relatively short time, CELEXA FOR SALE. CELEXA coupon, I never needed to worry about binding my breasts (Not that there was a lot to bind. Then, CELEXA used for, CELEXA without prescription, I mean.) because my suits and dress shirts suddenly got huge on me. And I also stopped doing a lot of physical activity after a few months on HRT, CELEXA for sale, CELEXA no rx, so I wasn't really keeping track of how much I was changing. (I dropped my gym membership after about six months because I couldn't stand using the men's locker room anymore, fast shipping CELEXA, CELEXA overnight, which meant that I stopped biking into work--about a 6.5 mile ride each way; in any case, I wasn't pushing myself anywhere close to what I had done before hormones.)

So I think that a lot of what I learned once before I'm going to have to unlearn, order CELEXA from United States pharmacy, CELEXA price, because the strength (and endurance, until I get my wind back) just isn't there anymore; a big part of my "failures" yesterday was trying to do things as if nothing had changed, CELEXA from canada. Doses CELEXA work, But it has.

This isn't really a bad thing, because one of the reasons I decided to go back to aikido is that it is the only martial art I know of with a philosophy against domination--and as you may have gleaned, comprar en línea CELEXA, comprar CELEXA baratos, Buy CELEXA without prescription, my current project is to find ways to live without dominating other human beings. My first dojo had a definite macho air about it, buy CELEXA online no prescription, Cheap CELEXA no rx, and I learned to use my strength--not that I was Conan or something--in ways that let me blow past a lot of the deeper philosophical lessons of aikido, like blending with your partner or using her energy against her instead of using your own.

So like everything else related to my transition, CELEXA wiki, Buy generic CELEXA, this is a learning moment. And I hope I can really learn from it--maybe I'll even be able to survive the whole class tomorrow.

I hope so--I have a peanut butter Twix bar waiting for me when I do.

Blog note: I had wanted to start another new weekly feature, online CELEXA without a prescription, "Evil Willow's Weekly Web Round Up," which will have some snark--er, witty--commentary on the dreck that Google Reader finds for me, but for once there's a paucity of teh stoopid on the nets right now--and a surfeit of actual, horrifying evil. So it can wait til next week..

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Categories: all about me, don't get your panties in a bunch, invasive kyriarchy, privilege stories

So I'm reading this post HERBAL XANAX FOR SALE, at Shakesville about a full-of-FAIL article by Satoshi Kanazawa about how feminism is evil and unneccesary because women are HAWT and only need shoes (or something; his logic is hard to follow, mostly because there doesn't seem to be any.) And there's a comments thread that is in the best tradition of Shakesville comments threads. Which means, is HERBAL XANAX safe, HERBAL XANAX dangers, among other things, that there's a discussion of why a common epithet turns out to be far nastier than you thought.*

In this case, purchase HERBAL XANAX for sale, HERBAL XANAX online cod, it turns out the word "maroon" really is a racist term**, even though I (and the original commentator) seem to have always associated it with Bugs Bunny's joking mispronunciation of "moron." (Which is also not cool, order HERBAL XANAX no prescription, Purchase HERBAL XANAX online no prescription, because it makes fun of people with mental disabilities.)

Now, being what I am--a human being caught in the invisible web of the kyriarchy--I couldn't help for a second thinking, HERBAL XANAX forum, HERBAL XANAX mg, "great, another word I'll have to be careful about using." (Just for a second, HERBAL XANAX pictures, Buy HERBAL XANAX no prescription, ducks, we take checking privilege seriously around here.) And then it occurred to me: oh yes, HERBAL XANAX duration, Where can i find HERBAL XANAX online, how terrible it would be to end up living in a world where a person's thoughts would have to be actually addressed, instead of just dismissed by a senseless epithet that lets you turn off your brain, australia, uk, us, usa. Where to buy HERBAL XANAX, How truly awful that would be for everyone.

But I never claimed to be quick on the uptake.


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Categories: all about me, teh tranz, This Was My Life

BUY ENALAPRIL NO PRESCRIPTION, Greetings, ducks. Yesterday I decided to drag myself out of the cave also known as my apartment and force myself to have some of that dreaded "social interaction" people are always on about--specifically, where to buy ENALAPRIL, Buy generic ENALAPRIL, I decided to jerk myself around to a syncopated rhythm while obeying patriarchal orders and occasionally crashing into people.

Yes, I went dancing.

Here in the Metropolis, ENALAPRIL maximum dosage, ENALAPRIL from canadian pharmacy, there is a series of Sunday dances down on a pier during the summer. I used to go to these things long ago, purchase ENALAPRIL online no prescription, Order ENALAPRIL from United States pharmacy, long before my transition--hell, long before my brief metrosexual days, ENALAPRIL from mexico. Purchase ENALAPRIL for sale, I enjoyed going--I had been one of those people who never thought she could dance, until my then-girlfriend convinced me to take some lessons, doses ENALAPRIL work, ENALAPRIL no rx, and I discovered I could do it, after a fashion, ENALAPRIL interactions. ENALAPRIL long term, And that I liked to do it.

This time, however, fast shipping ENALAPRIL, Purchase ENALAPRIL online, would be different.

This time I was going to be there as a woman.

I managed to miss the free lesson they give before the dance, which was a shame, ordering ENALAPRIL online, ENALAPRIL blogs, because not only was I rusty, I haven't danced that much swing as the follower, buy ENALAPRIL from canada, ENALAPRIL pics, and I had to sort out which leg went where. That was one worry.

The other worry was whether or not anyone would actually want to dance with me.

As I've mentioned before, I tend to get anxious around highly gendered spaces--and you don't get more highly gendered than a partnered dance, BUY ENALAPRIL NO PRESCRIPTION. (To be fair, order ENALAPRIL online c.o.d, Buy ENALAPRIL online cod, I did see some women dancing together, but I have no idea if they were queer or just straight people without partners; I know for a fact I didn't see any men dancing with each other.) So I had my usual uncomfortable thoughts: what if people read me, cheap ENALAPRIL. ENALAPRIL australia, uk, us, usa, am I too tall for anyone to want to dance with. am I not pretty enough for people to want to dance with me, ENALAPRIL alternatives. No prescription ENALAPRIL online, will I suck. BUY ENALAPRIL NO PRESCRIPTION, (that last one wasn't all that gendered, but an anxiety is an anxiety.)

Fortunately for me, plenty of people did end up dancing with me, some good, some bad. It was interesting to see the various styles of leading--having been a leader, australia, uk, us, usa, Comprar en línea ENALAPRIL, comprar ENALAPRIL baratos, I know how hard it can be to do well. One guy I danced with was maybe the best lead I've ever danced with--I always knew exactly what he wanted me to do--but the experience left me a little cold because I felt like I never got to do anything creative; I like to do some of my own moves when in open position, ENALAPRIL price, ENALAPRIL overnight, for example.

It was an interesting counterpoint to when I had first started to go out to dances as a man, and had to overcome decades of painful shyness and ask people to dance with me, effects of ENALAPRIL. ENALAPRIL coupon, I'm not sure which is easier, to be honest, to ask or wait to be asked.

I also ran into my ex-wife and her fiance. Which was a little weird; we're on good terms, but it was definitely an odd interaction. Even weirder is that we met at this very same dance all those years ago (we met movie-cute.) I suppose I cold have upped the ante and danced with her, but I think we both felt that would have pushed the awkwardness skyward.

My anxieties then were mostly for naught. More than that: at one point I stood watching the sunset behind the bandstand, listening to the music and feeling the breezes blow on me, and I was just so damn happy--because this is how I wanted it to go, to finally feel at peace with myself and my body and who I wanted to be, to bask in the same beautiful weather I had enjoyed all those years ago when I went to my first dance, except this time it was so much better, so much deeper, so much more right.




Categories: all about me, i get around, travels with CL

A dear friend of mine recently had her GRS done up in Montreal PREMARIN FOR SALE, . Get PREMARIN, She's had a long history of complications from surgery, and sadly this was no exception--so yesterday her son and I hit the road and took a seven-hour road trip up to visit her, buy generic PREMARIN. My PREMARIN experience, (It would have been six hours, but I always get lost--also, PREMARIN steet value, PREMARIN overnight, asking a truck driver for directions to a gas station when you speak a very imperfect French is a wonderfully Dadist exercise.)

She's doing a little better today, and was surprised and pleased to see us, PREMARIN from mexico, Online buying PREMARIN hcl, so I'm very glad we were able to run up here.

It also reminds me of a few things.

This isn't the first time I've visited Dr. Brassard's clinic; I came here last spring, PREMARIN wiki, PREMARIN treatment, when I was considering using him as my surgeon. (I ended up going to Thailand when I decided to have more things done; it cost the same to go to India and Cambodia--and fly home via business class--as it would have cost to have everything done in Canada.)

Back then, PREMARIN used for, PREMARIN no rx, I still wasn't sure when I would even want to get surgery; it wouldn't be until the fall of that year that it would take on a sudden urgency. I ended up hanging out over the weekend with a few of the patients who were waiting to have their surgery done--there was a very pre-op vibe.

Appropriately enough, thios time all the patients are post-op, the last group of surgeries before the clinic's summer vacation, PREMARIN FOR SALE. And it carries me back to my own early post-operative days, PREMARIN description, PREMARIN results, the camraderie between me and the other patients who were staying at the hotel. (We had two pizza parties while I was there, PREMARIN from canada, PREMARIN pics, and generally hung around in each other's rooms for a while; I also met the nicest person in the world there, a trans woman who had made the trip on short notice to be with her friend who was having the surgery.)

I don't use the word comrade lightly, generic PREMARIN, PREMARIN price, either; we were like any group of disparate people thrown together by a painful shared experience--we bonded fairly tightly while we were together, but our natural differences pulled us apart afterwards, PREMARIN alternatives. PREMARIN over the counter, I've seen so many different takes on what we went through: from people who convinced this was the most important and transformative experience of their lives to grim-faced agnostics like myself who were convinced that nothing important would change after surgery. (I was wrong, PREMARIN cost, Purchase PREMARIN, though not necessarily about what the surgery did to me; it was how I felt about myself afterward that was the radical difference.)

The residence where people stay to recuperate here is quite pleasant, and is another what if place for me: because this is more or less what it would have been like to stay here had I done my own surgery here, australia, uk, us, usa. Order PREMARIN from United States pharmacy, In some ways, it would have been easier--on the same continent as my family, PREMARIN from canadian pharmacy, PREMARIN canada, mexico, india, and my French is about eleventy-million times better than my Thai (and my French ain't that great, so you get the picture.) Not that I regret my trip, real brand PREMARIN online, PREMARIN price, coupon, because I got to finally see India and Angkor Wat, and even use my French when talking to Frenchwomen in Thailand for their own surgery, PREMARIN australia, uk, us, usa. PREMARIN without prescription, But it is kinda nice to make it up here and see what it would have been like.

Meanwhile, I'm worried about my friend, taking PREMARIN, but happy as well to be able to be up here for her. Send her some good wishes if you can.

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