Categotry Archives: failings



Categories: adventures in transition, all about me, double bound, failings, how to tell if you've transitioned, the tiniest violin in the world


I've been away a bit. Not completely away, CLOXAZOLAM pharmacy, I've written a thing or two here and there. But I haven't written much of late.

I have an excuse, for what it's worth, purchase CLOXAZOLAM for sale.

The excuse is that I was depressed to the point of...well, of taking rather irrevocable action to solve my depression, BUY CLOXAZOLAM NO PRESCRIPTION.

Now, that would be kind of hasty, Get CLOXAZOLAM, I think. But I was down so far that I couldn't really see up anymore.

The thing is, I got laid off at the end of March, CLOXAZOLAM from canadian pharmacy. The job sucked, so I didn't miss it, CLOXAZOLAM interactions, but I sure as heck missed the money. BUY CLOXAZOLAM NO PRESCRIPTION, Because coupled with my previous client's habit of not paying my invoices until I screamed and turned blue, and then being out of work for two months, my savings were pretty thin. And I'd been using my paychecks from the last gig to reduce some of my debt, so that I could live cheaper than I do, in case this kind of thing happened again, real brand CLOXAZOLAM online. Which is a great plan, but it blew up in my face when I got laid off after only ten weeks. CLOXAZOLAM pics, I don't have to tell you it's hard out there. It's hard, even if your day job is a fairly skilled position, and in one of the few segments of the economy that's making a come back, buy CLOXAZOLAM online no prescription. Even so, it's hard out there, BUY CLOXAZOLAM NO PRESCRIPTION. I would send out resumes and work the phones but only a trickle would come back. I had one or two interviews but no second interviews. Order CLOXAZOLAM online c.o.d, At some point I realized that I was between six and ten weeks from being bankrupt, and losing everything I've spent the last fifteen years building.

I have to stop myself there. BUY CLOXAZOLAM NO PRESCRIPTION, What I am complaining about is still incredibly privileged. I'd lose my home, doses CLOXAZOLAM work, but I wouldn't be homeless--my family can easily put me up, and a friend of mine would do the same. Low dose CLOXAZOLAM, That's one thing.

Another is...that I'm complaining about the fact that I just wouldn't be able to live in my expensive (now--it wasn't when I moved in) neighborhood in Manhattan. I mean, boo fucking hoo, buy cheap CLOXAZOLAM, yeah. That would only be something I'd share with all but 1.8 million people in the world, BUY CLOXAZOLAM NO PRESCRIPTION. This is not a tragedy. CLOXAZOLAM price, coupon, But all the same, it felt like one. This apartment has been my home for over eight years; it's where I lived with someone for the first time, where I got my first pets as an adult, CLOXAZOLAM over the counter, the place where I'd come home to a person I loved, the place where I decided to transition and the place where I made that happen. Online buy CLOXAZOLAM without a prescription, And the neighborhood feels the same to me; I've lived within three blocks of this apartment for the last fifteen years. BUY CLOXAZOLAM NO PRESCRIPTION, And too this is the only place I've ever wanted to live, and I've sacrificed (some) to get here.

And was shocking how quickly it could all get swept away. Three months could do it. That seemed shocking, CLOXAZOLAM australia, uk, us, usa.

There was other stuff too. Between the fall and the last two months, this is the longest I've been out of work as an adult, BUY CLOXAZOLAM NO PRESCRIPTION. I've had a job of some kind since I was seventeen. CLOXAZOLAM treatment, I've always found a way to get some work in the door.

So all that, plus our threadbare economy, had me down, CLOXAZOLAM no prescription. But there was some other stuff. BUY CLOXAZOLAM NO PRESCRIPTION, And I think I need to talk about this, because it is a feminist issue, because it is something I can comment on maybe more than other people.

That was the two strikes (at least) I had against me: that I was a woman trying to get a job in technology, Cheap CLOXAZOLAM, and that I was a trans woman trying to get a job in technology.

All that stuff you may have heard about how much harder it is for women just to look professional is true. A stupid example: getting an interview would cost me at least ten bucks, because I'd go and get my nails done, where can i buy cheapest CLOXAZOLAM online, because I can't put a sheer color on myself and have it look good, and because where I was looking for work, CLOXAZOLAM overnight, women at my professional level don't wear colored nail polish.

Okay, that's a privilege thing, and maybe just my own prejudices, CLOXAZOLAM class. But when you have big hands (and you worry about what people might conclude about that), you do your best to not draw attention to them either from lack of care or for flamboyance, BUY CLOXAZOLAM NO PRESCRIPTION.

Anyway. I had other stupid image issues. Where can i find CLOXAZOLAM online, I haven't been able to afford a decent hair cut in a while now--and a bad haircut would be held against me far more than it would a man--so I had to either try to blow it out and go long, or pin it up and hope I didn't look too masculine. I'll talk more about that in a bit, but: this is an issue for every professional woman, CLOXAZOLAM dangers, and it's one of the cruelest of the catch-22s of patriarchy. BUY CLOXAZOLAM NO PRESCRIPTION, To wit: professionalism is defined by men's dress codes. So they tend to make women look more masculine. No prescription CLOXAZOLAM online, But you can't look too masculine. But you don't want to look too feminine either. It's the same dynamic as the pointless manicures: don't get your nails done, and you look too butch and like you can't be bothered to be professional, comprar en línea CLOXAZOLAM, comprar CLOXAZOLAM baratos. But have red nails and you might be too feminine, BUY CLOXAZOLAM NO PRESCRIPTION. And so it goes.

These are of course my prejudices. Where to buy CLOXAZOLAM, People can and do make either end of the spectrum work. But it's a much tougher, much more individual struggle than it is for most men. That BUY CLOXAZOLAM NO PRESCRIPTION, you're getting straight from the horse.

Of course the other part of butch vs femme, CLOXAZOLAM trusted pharmacy reviews, masculine vs feminine for me was worrying about being read as trans. If my hair is up, CLOXAZOLAM wiki, I don't have to worry about it looking too bad, but will it make my face look too masculine. My pumps are my most neutral dress shoes, but do they make me too tall, after CLOXAZOLAM. Will my voice hold up for an entire interview. Will they know, BUY CLOXAZOLAM NO PRESCRIPTION. Will they care. It doesn't really matter that I live in a place where there are workplace protections for trans people. I'd never be able to prove anything.

I'm not really making that up, not that you would think I am. There was this study BUY CLOXAZOLAM NO PRESCRIPTION, by Make the Road New York which is pretty depressing in just how blatant the discrimination is. And yeah, I know, it was retail, right CL. I mean customers public face corporate image. Surely it's different in other jobs.

Surely you jest. You think if people aren't comfortable buying jeans from a trans lady that having one be your CTO is going to make people more comfortable, BUY CLOXAZOLAM NO PRESCRIPTION.

Or to put it more simply: everywhere I went I hoped they didn't make me fill out a formal job application. Because then I'd have to give my social security number and Ghu knows what they'd be able to find out; sure, I fixed that and my driver's license, but even with letters to my credit bureaus, that stuff just lasts forever.

This story has a happy ending. I finally found a small place where I was able to meet with the guys doing the hiring right away and I hit it off with them. BUY CLOXAZOLAM NO PRESCRIPTION, And two days later they offered me a job that will pay my bills and even get me out of debt. Which again makes me one privileged cat, one lucky ducky: and I'm very thankful.

But for a long time there I was really scared. And you want to know what one of my signs that I've transitioned is. I no longer am confident I'll always pull things out anymore, not like I used to be. And that's part of the reality of being a woman and being trans in the world today, BUY CLOXAZOLAM NO PRESCRIPTION.

So hey: where have I been in the meantime. Well, Below the Belt is on hiatus, but I'm now a blogger at You can read the two pieces I have up so far--about a trans woman and the crappy treatment the DC police gave her, and more about our favorite douchebags, Roman Polanski and Bernard Henri-Lévi.

And over on Tiger Beatdown, where I am somehow now the Senior (non)Contributor, I have this trifle about "The Tudors." Enjoy.




Categories: failings, media tool kit, privilege stories, the patriarchy: you can't live with it....that is all

BUY DIFLUCAN NO PRESCRIPTION, Well, okay, so ducks, I'm a bit of a silly goose.

As a very helpful commenter pointed out, Where can i cheapest DIFLUCAN online, I'm an idiot without any fact-checking ability because I ran with the front-page article on the English custom of wife selling as if it were a hoax. And it ain't, more to my chagrin--although I should point out, is DIFLUCAN safe, that when I got off my ass and finally did do the fact-checking, DIFLUCAN description, there's not a whole lot of very credible evidence for it on the free net--a lot of 19th century newspaper articles, and of course the Hardy novel; but one should really not put much credence in 19th century news articles. (It should also be noted that the edit history of the article shows it was written today My mistake, buy DIFLUCAN from mexico, didn't dig deep enough into the edit history.)

Be that as it may. DIFLUCAN pharmacy, I won't even point out that if I got fooled, so did substantial chunks of the internet, most of whom ran with the story as if it were a hoax as well, DIFLUCAN pics. (It seems that the Wiki tradition is to put slightly misleading headlines on the front page which link to totally legitimate articles, BUY DIFLUCAN NO PRESCRIPTION. I was not aware; my main experience of April Fool's day hoaxing are Google's patently false ones.)

So anyway, DIFLUCAN treatment, I took the post down for a while. Not because I want to run away from being stupid, but because I had some freelance to do today for a tiny amount of money and really didn't need to get a bunch of emails about how stupid I was, DIFLUCAN natural. Thanks, Australia, uk, us, usa, got that the first time. And I wanted to fix what I wrote. BUY DIFLUCAN NO PRESCRIPTION, And it's not as if I still don't have a feminist bone or two to pick with Wikipedia.

Because here's the deal: of all the articles they could have posted prominently, order DIFLUCAN from mexican pharmacy, they posted this one. DIFLUCAN results, Now, maybe it says great things about us as a people that we think the concept of selling your wife so outrageous that it could only be a prank. That would be nice to think, taking DIFLUCAN.

But how much more likely that the folks who organized today's front page instead thought it would be totes harharhar to lead with an article about how women were property. With fun echoes of how other people were once considered property, BUY DIFLUCAN NO PRESCRIPTION. DIFLUCAN without a prescription, And excuse me for being a paranoid lefty, but in today's climate--when we're seeing a tremendous backlash against women's rights (just look at all the anti-abortion laws being passed, the Stupak amendment, DIFLUCAN without prescription, the return of an anorexic beauty ideal, After DIFLUCAN, etc. etc. etc.) coupled with the steady drumbeat of racism on the rightwing fringe (examples too obvious and numerous to get into)--well, buy generic DIFLUCAN, yeah, DIFLUCAN canada, mexico, india, this whole fiasco troubles me. Quite a bit. BUY DIFLUCAN NO PRESCRIPTION, Don't believe me. Take a look at this:

Would I like to see “wife selling” legalized in America, online buying DIFLUCAN hcl. Nope … it seems like slavery (one person owning another). What is DIFLUCAN, But I would like to see the modern practice of taking hubby to the cleaners in divorce court ended.

That also seems to be a lot like slavery … or at least it’s like indentured servitude. There’s no moral reason why a hubby should be forced to buy his freedom, any more than there is any moral reason why a hubby should be permitted to sell his soon-to-be ex-wife’s freedom.

Or how it's the first post in this Straight Dope thread titled "April Fool's articles I wish were real."

So yeah: lulz, BUY DIFLUCAN NO PRESCRIPTION. We'll drag up one of the most misogynistic things we can find in our database (and yeah, DIFLUCAN reviews, I know all about how it was a way around restrictive divorce laws, Canada, mexico, india, and how the women were supposed to not mind--which goes to show you just how low the English opinion of women was back then, and how desperate they could be under the law, not that this was some kind of good thing) and make it our lead post on a day it is guaranteed to be picked up everywhere, comprar en línea DIFLUCAN, comprar DIFLUCAN baratos. And for the true deep lulz, DIFLUCAN samples, it will actually be true. Hahahaha. Stupid internet, order DIFLUCAN online overnight delivery no prescription. BUY DIFLUCAN NO PRESCRIPTION, Stupid ladybloggers. (Well, Doses DIFLUCAN work, ladyblogger. I seem to be the only one dumb enough to write about it as if it were true.)

I mean, the rest of the articles are all mostly harmless (though somewhat guy oriented, buy DIFLUCAN from canada, or rather doood oriented: mentioning James Brown--no, Order DIFLUCAN no prescription, not that one, fighter jets, video games, where can i find DIFLUCAN online, crime, Buy cheap DIFLUCAN, and the hy-larious idea of the city of Halifax having sex with multiple partners. And a monkey.) But the main, featured, DIFLUCAN interactions, excerpted article is about selling women as property.

Okay, fine. I see sexism everywhere, BUY DIFLUCAN NO PRESCRIPTION. I even flew off the handle about a non-hoax. But you want to know something. There are only two mentions of women on the front page: the wife-selling article...and this ad:

Fat ladies. Is that hilarious or what.


(Yes, I've taken down the original. Yes, it's in the time machine, I think; it's probably also on the Facebook page. I've got enough going on in my life that I don't need to have EVERY monument to my foolishness on the homepage of my blog.).

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Categories: don't get your panties in a bunch, failings, Humorless Tranny™, teh tranz, the transsexual empire strikes back, transphobia: now in blog format

I really like the Bilerico ATOMOXETINE FOR SALE, project--it's a great place for queer and trans folks and their allies to meet and discuss things. And it's never shied away from controversy.

Bilerico recently added a new contributor, ATOMOXETINE long term, Online ATOMOXETINE without a prescription, Ronald Gold, and reading his biography he's just the kind of person you want to have there--a long time gay activist, ATOMOXETINE description, Online buy ATOMOXETINE without a prescription, one of the founders of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, and a man who was instrumental in getting homosexuality removed from the DSM.

So it's an enormous disappointment to read his first post, ATOMOXETINE duration, Real brand ATOMOXETINE online, officially titled "'No' to the notion of transgender" but if you look at the url it must have been called "Transgender: a disease that doesn't exist" at some point. And, ATOMOXETINE dangers, ATOMOXETINE without a prescription, well, let's see if you, buy no prescription ATOMOXETINE online, Is ATOMOXETINE safe, Gentle Reader, can understand why I was shocked to see it on Bilerico:

What is transgender, cheap ATOMOXETINE no rx. Cheap ATOMOXETINE, Well, there are two sorts who seem to be covered by the name, ATOMOXETINE no prescription, ATOMOXETINE photos, the drag kings and queens so good at portraying cartoon imitations of straight people, and transsexuals, get ATOMOXETINE, Effects of ATOMOXETINE, the folks who report that from an early age they've felt themselves trapped in the wrong bodies. Despite the equipment they were born with that belies their assertions, ATOMOXETINE overnight, ATOMOXETINE pics, they say they are really men or really women.
 Holy fuck. Did I just read that at a queer site, ATOMOXETINE FOR SALE. Seriously? Please tell me this is some kind of horrid fundamentalist satire...
I recall reading something by Jan Morris in which it seemed that he thought he needed a sex change because he wanted men to hold doors open for him and kiss him goodbye at train stations, ATOMOXETINE pictures. ATOMOXETINE images, For starters, I'd have told him that I've had these nice things happen to me and I've still got my pecker.
Oh ye ghods.

Oh, ATOMOXETINE from canada, Where can i cheapest ATOMOXETINE online, but he isn't prejudiced against trans folk. See, order ATOMOXETINE no prescription, ATOMOXETINE maximum dosage, this is how he ends the piece:
Perhaps it isn't needless to say that a No to the notion of transgender does not excuse discrimination against cross-dressers or post-op "transsexuals" in employment, housing and public accommodation; and I strongly support legislation that would forbid it, ATOMOXETINE class. Buying ATOMOXETINE online over the counter, I would, however, where can i find ATOMOXETINE online, Ordering ATOMOXETINE online, get after the doctors - the psychiatrists who use a phony medical model to invent a disease that doesn't exist, and the surgeons who use such spurious diagnoses to mutilate the bodies of the deluded.
 See, is ATOMOXETINE addictive. I just think you're deluded ATOMOXETINE FOR SALE, , C.L.--but that's no reason for people to be cruel to you. Australia, uk, us, usa, That is, for levels of cruelty beyond calling you a man and a "transsexual."

If I was to be charitable (I am reliably informed that for some reason December is a month we're supposed to do so, here in Merka; the media says so), I guess I could scratch out some kind of "hmm, he's really against gender essentialism, which I'm down with" Except, oddly enough, as I write this he's sharing the front page with Autumn Sandeen, the transgender barista from Pam's House Blend, and whom I'm sure enjoys having her identity crumpled up in front of her eyes and tossed away.

I just...can't understand why this of all things should be the first post this guy makes at Bilerico. Didn't somebody tell him there are actual trans people who visit. Or even, you know, write stuff there. Holy cow.

Grumble...gotta write that "how to take an ally to task" post that everybody is writing nowadays...sheesh.




Categories: failings, invasive kyriarchy, why i blog

I am a racist.

BUY GENERIC MODAFINIL NO PRESCRIPTION, That declaration is the sort of thing that usually brings friends sputtering to your defense. "But Cat, GENERIC MODAFINIL recreational, GENERIC MODAFINIL brand name, you've dated people of color, some of your best friends, GENERIC MODAFINIL alternatives, GENERIC MODAFINIL dosage, and you voted for Obama!" Which is true, but doesn't do a whole lot to defeat my original point.

Which is that, buy GENERIC MODAFINIL from canada, GENERIC MODAFINIL wiki, I am a racist.

I'm also an imperialist. A colonialist, GENERIC MODAFINIL from mexico. GENERIC MODAFINIL price, Certainly a classist and probably a capitalist.

I'm not generally cognizant of any of this. But occasionally an incident throws this into focus, online GENERIC MODAFINIL without a prescription. For me, it was this comment I wrote, BUY GENERIC MODAFINIL NO PRESCRIPTION. My GENERIC MODAFINIL experience, You can go follow the link to find it; I have just enough vanity to not put it on the front page.

But the fact is, I wrote something that was racist and imperialist and I need to own up to that, GENERIC MODAFINIL maximum dosage, No prescription GENERIC MODAFINIL online, and to own the privilege that let me think something like that was in any way appropriate. And own up to the fact that the only reason I've become chagrined enough to write about this incident is that I pissed off somebody who'd had this blog recommended to her, GENERIC MODAFINIL duration. Purchase GENERIC MODAFINIL online no prescription, Only to be completely and finally turned away by what I wrote.

In other words, I was so blind to my privilege that it took that kind of embarrassment to make me notice it.

It seems useless to deny the fact of my racism, rx free GENERIC MODAFINIL. What is GENERIC MODAFINIL, Every day I walk through the streets of the Great American Metropolis and I see the color of the skin of the people in suits heading downtown and the color of the skin of the people who are making deliveries or running deli counters, and I can see the relative worth placed on each, buy cheap GENERIC MODAFINIL. BUY GENERIC MODAFINIL NO PRESCRIPTION, And every day I accept that, buy my paper at the deli, and move on to more important things, like who won the baseball game.

Likewise it is useless to deny the fact of my imperialism, not when I wear clothes made halfway around the world by impoverished people, people who had their wealth and resources stripped away by the wealthier countries, people locked into a cycle of poverty and slavery in all but name by the continued exploitation of them by those nations. GENERIC MODAFINIL without a prescription, I see this every day but am content to pay $8 for my tee shirts and move on to the comics section.

Sure, I try to be a good progressive, GENERIC MODAFINIL no prescription. Is GENERIC MODAFINIL addictive, I try to speak out against open expressions of racism. I have been fortunate enough to know many people of color in my life, after GENERIC MODAFINIL, Fast shipping GENERIC MODAFINIL, which leaves me less sheltered than most people of my (suburban, white, GENERIC MODAFINIL trusted pharmacy reviews, Online buying GENERIC MODAFINIL, middle-class) background. I believe in all the Right Causes and critique all sorts of forms of oppression.

None of that changes the fact that I am part of a vast web of privileges that systematically elevates me by virtue of a few accidents of birth while at the same time debasing billions who don't share those features.

That I am trapped in the system as much as they are does not change one whit the fact that I have much the better position.

I write a lot here about feminism and sexism, online buy GENERIC MODAFINIL without a prescription, Buying GENERIC MODAFINIL online over the counter, and transness and transphobia. This is because these are the things that are important to me; sexism and transphobia are the prejudices that single me out, BUY GENERIC MODAFINIL NO PRESCRIPTION. So it's fitting that I should be loudest in my opposition to them.

But what I have learned as I've been writing this blog, buy generic GENERIC MODAFINIL, Effects of GENERIC MODAFINIL, as I have grappled with the issues raised both here and in my life, as I've struggled to learn and understand more about feminism and how I can live a life that is concordant with it, japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal, Buy no prescription GENERIC MODAFINIL online, is that my personal oppressions are not enough. That it is the whole system of oppressions that needs to be fought against.

There is a reason I prefer to use the term kyriarchy over patriarchy, cisarchy, or any number of other dominations. That's because I see them all as part of the same system: that kyriarchy describes the multivalent oppressive nature of human society. We are locked into it by the relative comfort of our privileges over others, which palliates our own lack of privilege compared to some. BUY GENERIC MODAFINIL NO PRESCRIPTION, To confront real liberation would mean to seek to destroy the whole system of privilege itself, to voluntarily renounce and repudiate one's own privilege--to rip down the whole structure of oppression that has dominated human society since the Agricultural Revolution.

Too much to ask. Maybe. But it would seem to me that at the very least this process can begin with digging into my own privileges, to expose them to the light so that they stop being the invisible shackles that keep me tied to the ediface of oppression; that by recognizing them, I can find a way to be less invested in the struggle to maintain my own place. Because make no mistake: ultimately this system leads only to tyranny, the constant struggle of all against all that maintains the majority of the human race in suffering.

And it's a small thing, oh such a small and insignificant thing to do. If I weren't such a coward, if I weren't so deeply co-opted by kyriarchy, I could do more. I have to trust that it might help, though. I have to trust that in time greater things can become available to me.

But what I can't do is not keep pressing forward. Because anything is better than remaining a racist.


In the spirit of making some feeble amends, some links Google Reader served up to me on some uplifiting things happening in India recently: » Gay community stages rally in Bhubaneswar

Riot of colours at Delhi's second gay pride march

India's transgender strive for rights | GlobalPost

Chennai turns up to support gay march.

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