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This is just a post

Categories: Uncategorized

that would normally have a decent collection of words after it. If I had an idea. Which I don’t tonight. But I might soon!

This is also a post to say that my Tiger Beatdown commitment is likely going to be lessened soon and I’ll be writing more for my own blog again! Um, hooray?

This is also a post to say that one of the reasons I can’t even be bothered to put up a link post to my recent stuff (though have you seen the cool widget on the upper left? It’s pretty good at finding me!) is that the new job keeps me hopping and I’m remembering why it was so damn hard to write when you work full time; because you come home completely burnt-out, even when you really like your job.

This is also a post to say that the other reason you see less of me of late is because I am ridiculously happy because I have met a wonderful person and we are too busy coming up with ways to make each other joyous for me to have any creativity left for writing.

And finally this is a post to say that I will have real posts up soon. Because I’ve been away too long 🙂

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Reading Habits

Categories: (un)popular entertainment

It occurred to me this week, and not for the first time, that my therapist might raise an eyebrow toward my reading habits. Shortly after I began transition in earnest, she started suggesting women’s lit to me, as a way of starting the process of socialization. The first book she recommended was The Red Tent by Anita Diamant, which I had already read and enjoyed, though maybe not as much as she would have liked. She smiled approvingly and further recommended a book by Kris Radish, who I had not read. So a couple of days later, I picked up The Elegant Gathering of White Snows at the public library and started reading it right there. My public library has some mighty comfy reading chairs, so this was no hardship, really. I chose not to check it out. After about twenty pages, I decided that it just wasn’t for me. This happened again with the next writer she recommended, and eventually I realized that she and I were not going to see eye to eye on literary matters. I started heading her off at the pass by having a book with me every time I showed up at her office, usually something daunting and intellectual like Hannah Arendt’s Eichmann in Jerusalem or Mikhail Bulgakov’s The Master and Margarita. It’s not that I don’t like women’s literature, or books by and about women, however you want to define it. Heavens, no. I mean, I named one of my dogs after Flannery O’Connor and my favorite writer of horror fiction is not H. P. Lovecraft or Stephen King, but Shirley Jackson. What seems to butt against my therapist’s suggestions is the fact that I do have fairly well-developed literary appetites, and some of those appetites are decidedly un-feminine.
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Marriages and Infidelities

Categories: (un)popular entertainment

I’m a bit late to the party when it comes to The Kids Are All Right (2010), Lisa Cholodenko’s comedy of manners about a lesbian couple whose children seek out their sperm donor. It’s a droll movie that shades into painful drama with deceptive ease. It’s good. Very good. You should see it if you haven’t already. It’s a film that begs the question of why doesn’t Annette Bening have an Academy Award yet? All well and good. But it does raise some questions.

From my perspective, there are two elephants in the room in regards to this movie. First: For a decidedly queer movie from a queer filmmaker, there are surprisingly few queer people in front of the camera. As in none. Second: The plot twist that drives the second half of the movie, in which Julianne Moore’s character, Jules, has an affair with Paul, Mark Ruffalo’s character, is a clichĂ©, and an obnoxious one at that. The movie actually does deal with both of these issues, but it’s debatable whether it deals with them successfully.

Taking them one at a time:

While I don’t demand that gay characters be played by gay actors, its galling to see an entirely straight cast playing gay characters in an era when Newsweek magazine is decrying the “fact” that gay actors can’t play straight characters (and why doesn’t this impediment flow the other way? Hmm?). The timing of the movie is unfortunate in this, and it’s compounded by the fact that Cholodenko is herself a lesbian and would presumably have no blinders on when it came to straightwashing the movie. It’s obvious that she’s aware of the problem because she comments on it directly in the text of the movie: When quizzed by their son about why they prefer gay male porn, Jules explains that in lesbian porn, the actresses are all played by straight women. “It’s so inauthentic,” she adds. This is probably the funniest line in the movie, given the casting, but it’s also kind of a bitter pill. On the other hand, the actors Cholodenko does have are so good that it suggests that there were no better choices available.

The second issue is more vexing, given the underlying patriarchal meme that all a lesbian needs to turn straight is a good fucking from the right man. Fortunately, this is demolished by the movie–Jules repudiates the idea that she is somehow straight and she repudiates Paul in the end, too–but should it have been raised in the first place? I don’t know. In the context of the movie, it does rise organically from this particular story and these particular characters. Jules is demonstrably having a mid-life crisis even before Paul shows up, and such people often do stupid things. This is compounded by the fact that some lesbian women actually DO occasionally have sex with men, even once they’re in touch with being lesbian, and this is NOT indicative of some latent heterosexuality (or even bisexuality), so the movie could claim some level of verisimilitude if it wanted. I just wonder if it couldn’t have explored Jules’s crisis in some other way. It might not have, given the film’s plot for Paul: he wants a family and he wants Jules and Nic’s family. This comes to a head when Nic rages at him that it’s HER family and he can bloody well go out and get his own. It’s a terrific moment, and it wouldn’t be possible without Jules’s dalliance with him.

In any event, it’s a lot to think about. Fortunately, the movie grounds all of this in a very closely observed depiction of Nic and Jules’s marriage, the details of which suggest that the movie as it actually plays probably could NOT have been made by a straight filmmaker. The way Jules and Nic behave with each other betrays too much knowledge of lesbian culture, from the therapy-speak they sometimes use to the details of their sex life together. The second funniest moment in the film comes when Nic pulls a big comforter over herself while Jules is goinq down on her: “I’m cold,” she says. “I’m suffocating!” Jules replies. Oh, and there’s the vague disappointment visible when they realize that their children are totally hetero. Mostly, though, it’s a celebration of marriage, and a timely one at that. It suggests that Jules and Nic’s marriage is exactly like anyone else’s marriage, which is to say that it’s like no one else’s marriage at all. Because no two marriages are alike.

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Face to Face

Categories: Uncategorized

So, I feel kind of embarrassed that I clicked on the news links for pictures of the first successful full face transplant last week. I’m not entirely sure why I did it. It’s more complicated than just the attraction of a freakshow–not that I think the man who received it is a freak, just that some of the people who look at him may be doing so for the same reason people used to go to sideshows. This is part of why I’m embarrassed to admit that I clicked the link. But not all of it.

I’m fascinated by plastic surgeries. I’ve spent hours looking at the before and after pictures of people who have received facial feminization surgeries. I’ve even had consults myself. FFS is kind of a raw nerve for me. On the one hand, I don’t actually think I need it. On the other, I like the idea that it would reduce the chances of random people identifying me as trans. I think my motives in this are similar to C. L’s motives for getting breast implants (as detailed in her interview here). There are times when I’m sure that this is the crazy part of my brain talking, because I know perfectly well that I look fine. If you saw me on the street, you probably wouldn’t think twice. Be that as it may, when I look in the mirror every morning, I see the male face I wore for a couple of decades staring back at me. I don’t know that bankrupting myself on FFS would even change that perception for me. It’s all in my head, but the impulse remains.

All of which got me thinking about Eyes Without a Face, the great 1960 French movie about a mad plastic surgeon who kidnaps and murders women to harvest their faces in a vain attempt to restore his own daughter’s ruined face, and how it completely demolishes the beauty myth as an instrument of patriarchy. The movie portrays an attempt to enforce a standard of beauty by force. The recipient of our mad doctor’s radical treatments never asked for them. At the end of the movie, she retaliates against her oppressors and wanders into the night.

It goes without saying that Eyes Without a Face is a ghastly movie if you’re even a little bit squeamish. It’s notorious for its scenes of surgical gore, expertly faked. It looks real and it’s filmed with a striking clinical clarity and dispassion. It’s less obvious that this is a feminist movie, given the outrageous violence perpetrated against women in it. But it is. It’s an indictment of what patriarchy values in women: beauty and obedience. During most of the film, Edith Scob’s character wanders through her father’s palatial mansion with a featureless mask. To the world, she’s dead. The combination of this plot point and the visual of the mask suggests that a woman without beauty is a woman without identity. There are persistent images of animals in cages–especially birds–that further suggest that Scob is imprisoned by her father’s obsession and that her function is decorative, like a songbird. The actual depiction of Scob’s disfigurement suggests the horror patriarchy feels for the physical bodies of women, though it’s greatly exaggerated for effect. Also built into the fabric of the film is the doctor’s accomplice, a nurse played by Alida Valli. Her character is a stand-in for the way that patriarchy co-opts women themselves as enforcers of unrealistic beauty standards.

Trans women feel that enforcement more keenly than most, I think. We’re sometimes held to an impossible standard relative to cis women in order to even be accepted as women, so I feel for Christiane Genessier, the character in Eyes Without a Face, because she’s an avatar for anyone who submits to the surgeon’s knife in order to have her identity as a woman, or even as a person, validated.

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Love and Rockets (Are Two Things That Crash)

Categories: all about me, intellectualisimus, silly blather

Right, ducks, so when last we left off, which was–Christ on a pontoon, over a month ago–your correspondent, C.L. Minou, was in love! Or like! Or crush! Something!

Well, anyway. Hey, guess what! It worked out. Kinda. Sorta. For a bit. Okay, a couple of good weekends. But it turns out that she–

What? Yes, ducks, are there questions? It’s true, I date girls now. Girls are cool.

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Secular Myths

Categories: (un)popular entertainment

“Cyril, the Archbishop of Alexandria, despised her because of her close friendship with the Roman governor, and because she was a symbol of learning and science, which were largely identified by the early Church with paganism. In great personal danger she continued to teach and publish, until, in the year 415, on her way to work she was set upon by a fanatical mob of Cyril’s parishioners. They dragged her from her chariot, tore off her clothes, and, armed with abalone shells, flayed her flesh from her bones. Her remains were burned, her works obliterated, her name forgotten. Cyril was made a saint.” –Carl Sagan, Cosmos

One of the things I’ve come to love about Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds is the sheer effrontery of the way it re-writes the end of World War II. All movies about history are fiction, Tarantino seems to be (truthfully) saying, so let’s wallow in that freedom. Anyone who watches movies for history lessons deserves what they get. Or to quote another film by another filmmaker, “When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.”

The Myth of Hypatia–and Carl Sagan relates a myth, not historical fact–is a kind of Rorschach test. Are you a bibliophile? Then this is a horror story. Are you a feminist? Then this is a portrait of the patriarchy at one of its lowest moments. Are you a scientist? Then this is a parable about academic freedom. Are you an atheist? Then this is your worst fears about religion made flesh. What you take from this is in large part what you bring to it. The atheist in me has a few problems with this, because one of the core questions an atheist needs to ask herself is this one: do you care that what you believe is true? As it turns out, this particular atheist does care, so The Myth of Hypatia is a bit of a disappointment to me. No matter how much I may want this story to arm me against the religious and the superstitious, it’s bullshit and I can’t in good conscience use bullshit as ammunition against bullshit.

This disappointment does not extend to Alejandro Amenabar’s recounting of the myth in Agora (2009), however. Because, you know, it’s a movie, and just like Tarantino, Amenabar is rewriting history for his own ends (though he rewrites considerably less than Sagan even as he adds romantic subplots). I don’t have to care if a movie is true. I only care if it’s good theater. Continue reading →

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A Fractured Fairy Tale

Categories: (un)popular entertainment, cis-o-rama, teh tranz

While it doesn’t indulge in the same kind of thematic miserablism of other movies about transgender sex workers, Olaf de Fleur Johannesson’s The Amazing Truth About Queen Raquela (2008) still can’t avoid the fact that at least part of its narrative–arguably the dominant part–is constructed from a cisgender man’s preconceptions of who transgender people are. The conceit of the movie is that it’s half documentary and half fiction, mixed together in such a way as to obscure the lines between the real and the fake. The director himself calls this shambolic portmanteau structure a “visiomentary.” You can probably see the flaws in this approach without even seeing the movie, but I’ll elaborate anyway.

The movie begins with its central character, a trans sex worker in Cebu City, The Philippines, speaking directly to the camera and swearing to tell the truth and the whole truth. This is Raquela Rios, essentially playing herself. The filmmakers spend a good deal of time following Rios through her life, which includes interactions with her family, attempts to find employment outside of the sex trade, clubbing with her friends, and generally walking around the city. This is where the film is heavy on the documentary and while it’s letting Raquela speak for herself, the movie is on pretty firm ground. Raquela is bright, funny, optimistic, and gregarious. Were she in different circumstances, she would undoubtedly be a success at whatever she did. The same might be said for her friends, Aubrey and Olivia, who also make their livings as “ladyboy” sex workers. Unfortunately, the filmmakers can’t leave well enough alone. They also start the film with a title card that says, “Raquela is transsexual. A chick with a dick,” and once the movie acquires a narrative, the attitude behind that pronouncement seeps into the whole enterprise. Continue reading →

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Fear and Loathing in my Netflix Queue

Categories: (un)popular entertainment, kyriarchy, let's hear it for the ladies, teh tranz

As a filmmaker (or, perhaps more truthily, an art student who did not receive an F for her sole video project) I feel it is my duty to view as many films depicting trans folk as the doctors will allow me. ‘Tis a quest not without peril. When a visit to the SF LGBT Center brought me face to face with Clair Farley, a subject of Red Without Blue and number three on my list of “people who have inspired me to do make great changes in my life who I hope never to meet in person because I know I’d lose my shit”, spoiler alert: a lot of shit was lost. I stared at the floor, dodged her questions (did I mention I met she was doing my intake for an employment services program? OF COURSE I DIDN’T, UGH SO FUCKING LIKE ME) and when I realized that the chances of me winning that golden ticket that would let me rearrange reality so that instead of giggling uncomfortably to myself I could instead escape to a universe where I was gainfully employed and she and I were bff who played Chu Chu Rocket on the weekends were fairly slim I just made shit up. Dante never specified what the punishment in hell is for people who try to convince their heroes that blogging counts as a form of community volunteering, but I’m willing to guess it involves having something put in your anus that you’d rather not. Oh, and once I was asked to leave a screening of Normal, but it was agreed that if I never stated who I threw my notebook at and why they would keep it off my record and let me squeak by with a written apology.

Dangers be damned, I saw Beautiful Boxer, the biopic about Muay Thai boxer Parinya Charoemphol, or Nong Toom. As a safety precaution, I had Ms. Pacman plugged in just in case I needed emergency escort to my “happy place”. Much to my surprise, I thought it was an amazing film, and my gripes with it were limited and tied entirely with the storytelling and not the portrayal of Parinya (I thought the dream sequences were contextually inappropriate when done outside of her first person narrative, though I must admit they were poetically executed and relevant to the film’s message). So rare do I find films that engage me emotionally while sating my hunger for organically choreographed violence. I feel it served as an illustration of the fallacy behind the notion of transitioning to avoid the struggles and challenges traditionally assigned to men, or as my father put it “acting delicate and weak and girly to avoid having to live up to my responsibilities”. And I thought Kyoko Inoue playing herself was pretty fucking neat. Yeah, that’s all I have to say about it. This isn’t a film review. This is a reaction piece. So yeah, you’re still gonna have to rent it or read the reviews on IMDB if you want to bluff your way through a conversation about it in your little Livejournal group. Sorry.

The film is very clear with presenting and expressing a common criticism levied against Parinya and those behind her career: she was a gimmick and novelty act that mocked the sport of kickboxing and her trans identity was exploited and paraded about for profit. To this I say “eh, that’s one way of looking at it, where I come from we call that the wrong way”.

To suggest that the Thai boxing establishment’s acceptance, support, and promotion of Parinya’s gender expression was somehow more profit-minded than the minds behind Manon Rheaume (the first and only woman to play in the NHL)’s stint with the Tampa Bay Lightning or fuck, let’s just go for broke here, Jackie Robinson playing in the MLB, is to contribute to a the ignorance of the machinations of the kyriarchy. The underdog from a troubled, prejudiced life who’s talent just has to be shared with the masses regardless of their latent bigotry is a noblie lie disguised as a marketing ploy disguised as a human message. The real tragedy is not, I believe, in the tokenization of one’s identity to be part of the majority’s broadway production, but in the refusal by those who have benefitted from your sacrifice to acknowledge the good you may have done for your community. Without the scream queen, there’d be no ass-kicking Whedonverse heroine. Without the Hays Code-era sissy, there’d be no Brokeback Mountain. That’s just how hiearchy works. When we break free from our cage in the kyriarchal circus, they’ll just find someone else to fill our place, and then we, sitting in the audience, will have to decide between shutting the fuck up and eating our kettle corn or bum rushing the stage and burning the tent down.

In a society where hierarchies exist (i.e. all of them) the minority takes on an air of mystique and curiosity. Thus we are forced to ask ourselves, as minorities, whether it is better to be an attraction or risk being unseen by society. The answer will be different for each and every one of us. Parinya played the game, made enough money to afford SRS, is a successful model/actress, and could probably break every bone in the body of any asshole who thinks they’ll “teach this shemale a lesson”. If you could play the system like that and win by that much of a margin, you’d have already picked out your stage name. But you can’t. The minority underdog is the bizarro affirmative action: they meet their quota once and then it’s closed to everyone else. Personally, I prefer my chances against the system as opposed to with it. But fuck, ask me in a year or two if and when Comedy Central is looking for a caustic plus-sized trans woman with no indoor voice. For now, I find it more efficient in the long run to just be happy for her success and hopeful that it will start a trend of acceptance of trans people in professional sports and instead direct my rage to those instances where people are being played by the system. The bearded lady, the conjoined twins, they know they are part of a sideshow. The microcephalic (or “pinhead” for those of you who fear Wikipedia) does not. Try, if you can, to fight and prevent the greater injustice of the two. The famous and successful can take care of themselves.

And they’re giving me the sign to wrap up, but I do want to point out that Parinya Charoemphol is often credited with pulling Thai kickboxing out of its slump and re-establishing its popularity in Thailand.

Me-1 You -0.

Get used to this.

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Rolling the Bones

Categories: (un)popular entertainment

“Ain’t you got no men to do this?”
“No, ma’am, I don’t,”

Movies don’t usually have an overt thesis statement, but this exchange from Debra Granik’s stark indie hit, Winter’s Bone, serves pretty well.  It’s a familiar kind of movie–it’s a hard-boiled detective film–with unfamiliar trappings. We don’t get the mean streets of the city at night. The movie is set in the Ozarks. And we don’t get the cynical, hard-drinking private eye, either. Rather, we get a seventeen-year-old girl who is just trying to keep her family together. We do, however, get most of the plot points of film-noir detective film, but given the other elements of the film, it all seems fresh and new. Certainly, the power dynamics are different when you have a poor teenage girl rather than a hardened detective, but she perseveres with the same stubbornness and moral rectitude of a Philip Marlowe or a Lew Archer.

This film is also a portrait of the wreckage left by late capitalism, envisioned by the film as a stark winter of discontent, possibly as a new dark age where established institutions like law and education have completely failed and where the feral world of drug trafficking has taken their place. Granik and her cinematographer, Michael McDonough, capture all of this in a cold, desaturated style that casts its setting as vaguely post-apocalyptic. This is the world that men have wrought, the film suggests, and the men are absentee landlords, either literally as in the case of our heroine’s missing father, or figuratively as weak, venal characters. Women are left to clean it all up, and frankly, it’s a shit job.

Ree Dolly, played by the a-MAY-zing Jennifer Lawrence, is this film’s version of the private eye, and a more unlikely candidate for the job is hard to imagine. At least Marlow and Archer had contacts and the resources of their clients. Ree has only her own determination. This doesn’t stop the film from throwing her into those brutal situations in which hard-boiled detectives sometimes find themselves. It doesn’t stop the goons in the employ of the film’s bad guys from kicking the shit out of her. In the traditional hard-boiled story, these kinds of scenes are designed to show how tough the detective is, and to knock the detective so far down that it seems that there’s no way back up. It serves the same function here, but the inequality between the opponents throws it into even starker contrast. Ree’s major antagonist is Merab, played with stony resolve by Dale Dickey. In a lot of ways, she’s Ree’s doppelganger, in so far as she’s stubborn and not above getting her hands dirty. She, too, is cleaning up the messes left by her men folk.  It seems oxymoronic to claim Merab as a feminist villain (meaning that she’s not a villain because she’s a feminist, by the way), but here she is. Both characters function as everywomen, as two sides of the same coin.

The auteurist in me looks at this movie and compares it to Granik’s first film, the similarly titled Down to the Bone, in which Vera Farmiga plays a rural housewife and mother struggling with drug addiction. Like that film, Winter’s Bone is bracingly unglamourous. Like that film, it links poverty with drug addiction as inextricably linked. Like that film, it’s about a woman trying to keep her family from getting sucked into the downdraft. Both films find the kind of stark beauty in poverty that one finds in depression era photography. Auteurs in the purest sense tend to make the same movie over and over again. It appears that Granik is doing exactly that, but she’s discovered, like many directors before her, that she can smuggle her thematic concerns to a wider audience by framing things in terms of genre. That’s the main difference between her two films. She links Winter’s Bone to the plot and visual style of a film noir thriller, while she was content to just turn her camera on the characters in Down to the Bone and let them play things out without genre archetypes. Good as Down to the Bone might be (and it IS very good), I think Winter’s Bone is probably stronger for it.  It lets the story set the hook, then it reels the audience in for the rest.

Winter’s Bone should still be in theaters. Down to the Bone is on DVD and is currently available for instant streaming from Netflix.

–Dr. Morbius

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From The Blogosphere To The Streets And Back To The Blogosphere Again

Categories: Uncategorized

A wild Real Life appears!

They Call Me Vroom uses “focus on writing commitments”.

Real Life uses “flooded basement”!

It’s super effective!

They Call Me Vroom uses “walk it off”.

Real Life uses “Pride Weekend”!

It’s super effective!

They Call Me Vroom is about to faint!

Real Life uses “begin planning trans conference held out in Nor Cal redwoods!”

They Call Me Vroom uses “take some time to get her shit sorted out and feel bad about it later”.

Pride. The activist blogger’s lament. A year toiling beneath the dull bluish hue of a computer monitor, forwarding e-mails, penning snappy one-liner cuts on queer snark message boards (more like TWISTED CISTER, AMIRITE?) and conducting grueling, midnight-oil burning research on a possible cure for that special type of stupid that causes “Harry Benjamin Syndrome”, all so you can be outdone by a cadre of shirtless assholes on the Bank of America float.

Oh em gee, how progressive and brave of them to show their support of the cause…and advertise at a street fair with at least a million fucking people in attendance.

I’m sorry. It’s not BoA. Or the girl in rainbow armbands and the shirt that said “straight not narrow” passing out flyers for some show of her friend’s band or whatever. Or the guy rubbing one out on the Burger King wall. It’s me.

Only I could go to SF Pride and be more excited about my ice cream sandwich than experiencing community and visibility and blah blah blah grumble get off my lawn. To say I had a terrible time would be untrue. I got to see a living statue (and squee), took my picture in front of a banner for my girlfriend (who couldn’t attend)’s rugby team, and got to use the word “classist” in casual conversation sans eye-rolling from my friends. So it wasn’t a total bust.

Now I know how a freegan left inside the Mall of America must feel. How can there be this many people and nothing to do? I mean, there’s tons of shit to buy, but nothing to do. And who the fuck told Leather Alley it was okay to charge a $5 donation? AND HOW CAN IT BE A DONATION IF IT’S MANDATORY? I ALREADY GAVE YOU $10 AT FOLSOM LAST YEAR! WHEN DOES IT END, I ASK YOU, WHEN DOES IT END?!

I think I need to regain my perspective. So I’m going home to Phoenix for the 4th of July weekend. Four days of my friends and family referring me by my birth name/gender and being asked for ID every time I use a public rest room should give me something to really cry about.

I seem to forget that out here in SF, I’m considered among the privileged. I pass. 100 percent of the time. I have access to hormones, and have never gone longer than two months without. I have a partner who accepts and validates my identity. The fuck do I have to complain about? I bet I won’t even last four days in Phoenix. Five bucks says I crack the first time an establishment refuses to serve me. I’ll be missin’ all that fancy big city commercialism when people are poking my hair and tits, asking me if they’re real.

It’s easy to forget that not every front of the struggle is fought on balanced terrain. Here and now, my objective is not to be obligated to buy useless shit I don’t need as a condition to participate in my community. Tomorrow, in Phoenix, my mission will be to take a leak in peace. In April I am hosting/organizing/bottomlining a Camp Trans-esque event out here in Nor Cal. And while there, I will sit down with every person who attends and ask them what their day to day, real life experience conditions are, and be wiser with the understanding of just how misbalanced the needs and wants of the community per region really are. And then, I don’t know, I’ll become a famous artist activist and travel the country fighting the kyriarchy and sawing women in half or something. Maybe. I dunno. I’ll let you know when I’ve learned the “buy cupcakes without incident” trick down.

For every friend who asks me if I’ve heard about the passport policy change I will donate $1 to a charity of your choice.

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